Sunday, August 23, 2009

Chrissy: tubing down the provo river is dangerous.

DON'T DO IT!
Last week friend Ashleigh and I decided to go tubing down the Provo River with her little sister Brianna and Brianna's two friends. "Fun!" thought I, "There is nothing better I could be doing with my day." I had, of course, been down the river 3 times in a raft and thought a tube would be nothing different. 

Oh how life loves to prove me wrong.

First off we had a late start. Originally we had planned to leave around 3:00 pm. But we didn't end up leaving until 4:30. Now the sun begins to set around 6. But that doesn't mean that the canyon doesn't start getting colder at 6. Nope. That happens around 4:30.

We got in and the water was FREEZING and there were no sun rays to warm us up. But since our butts were numb with in the first 5 minutes we continued -- so oblivious to the dangers that lay ahead. 

Secondly, I apparently have no coordination when it comes to steering a tube. My lack of steering ability often left me trying to push off the tree and rocks on the banks, rather than floating the current in the middle of the river. Consequently I kept running into low hanging branches that would flip me off of my tube.

Another thing to understand about the Provo River is that the current is ridiculously strong and the rocks on the bottom are slippery. Even if you fall out of your tube in water that is knee high you can't move anywhere except w/ the current. Needless to say it is a struggle get back in your tube. And I am seriously glad that I opted to wear my swimsuit bottoms underneath my basketball shorts rather than just panties, because the current had a hay day trying to rip those suckers (my shorts, not my swimsuit) off of my legs. I believe the fisherman I passed were glad too. 

I was also glad for my life jacket. Don't even consider going down that beast of a river with our one. I almost did. And if I had gone with out one I would not be blogging today.

One tree branch incident was truly formidable. I came up to this really thick tree branch, planning to push off of it and get back to the safety of the middle of the river. But the river was out the get me. The tube got stuck up against it, but the current was so strong that it sucked me out of my tube and underneath the tree. Luckily it popped me back up on the other side. But my tube was stuck. And here's the thing: it wasn't really my tube. It was a loner, so I couldn't just leave it there. But the current was still crazy strong and I was up to my chest in freezing cold water. Below is a picture of my dilemma (it is quite possible the best thing I have ever drawn). 





I was able to grasped a super mossy branch, however, and slowly began struggling towards my tube. Remember, the water is below freezing. It was SO hard walking against the current. And finally after about five minutes I got close enough to kick it away from the branch. As it began floating down the river I jump at it and managed to hang on till i found a shallow place to remount it. 

I think the fishermen on the river that day were angry with me because every time I would drift closer to the low hanging brush I would scream at the top of my lungs, " I HATE trees! I HATE stupid trees and rock! I FREAKIN' HATE THESE TREES!!!!"  and then almost break down into tears. The fish wouldn't come within 50 feet of me. Again, the fishermen did not like me.
Eventually two kayakers behind me took pity on me and gave me a broken paddle. It helped when I needed to push away from the edge. 

Because of my many fiascos on the river I ended up WAY separated from my friends. In the end I had to float the rest of the way to the car by myself. Sad day. 
I vowed never to go down that river again in a tube.
I told this to Ashleigh and she said, "Yeah right. I bet if a cute guy asked you to go down you would."
To which I replied, "I SO would not."
She then looked dubiously at me.
"Alright," I admitted, "But only if he said something along the lines of, 'Don't worry, I'll protect you' or something."
Either way I feel that the Provo River is quite possibly the worst river ever. 
The End

Illustration of how I felt.


We look so innocent and carefree to the dangers of the river....
if only we had known...



3 Comments:

Blogger Jon Baker said...

That is quite possibly the greatest story I have ever heard! I actually had a very good time when I went down the river... maybe we should go, and I'll protect you... ;) You look delightfully cute in that picture, too! I love your suit!

August 24, 2009 at 1:59 PM  
Blogger curleighlocks said...

oh wow you pretty much described the events PERFECTLY!! How come Bri and her friends had absolutely NO troubles?? Apparently we are the most uncoordinated tube floaters to ever float the Provo River... I'd so go again though!

August 25, 2009 at 7:18 PM  
Blogger Stephanie Lyn :) said...

CHRISANNE I LOVE YOUR GUTS!! We should play (/talk/converse/whatever) soon at your sweet dorm!! Oh dear...! hahahahahahahahahaha!!! Random burst of happiness, details to follow!! :D

August 27, 2009 at 7:59 PM  

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